[Verse 1]
I know that the Romans came after the Greeks
I went to a lecture to hear Robert Hughes speak
I'm honoured, cultured, literate (and yet)
All of my life I've had one regret

[Chorus]
I wish I'd slept with more girls
I wish I'd done more drugs
I wish you'd all go and get fucked
I wish I'd done more drugs
I wish I'd slept with more girls
I wish you'd all go and get fucked

[Verse 2]
They told me yobbos would turn out no good
I did my homework, they turned into hoods
I have a family, I'm happy and proud
I said "no" to anything I wasn't allowed

[Chorus]
I wish I'd slept with more girls
I wish I'd done more drugs
I wish you'd all go and get fucked
I wish I'd done more drugs
I wish I'd slept with more girls
I wish you'd all go and get fucked

[Verse 3]
The Angel of Death hovers overhead
My family, come, gather round my bed
Come, my colleagues, come, literate friends
Here is my last wish, as my life ends