[Taylor Swift:]
My ex-boyfriends all hate me now
They think I was crazy and dicked them around
I can't stand that they think about me as a bad girlfriend
So I guess I gotta take them out!

How dare they all dump Taylor Swift
And not remember me as perfect
They must pay the price
And I won't rest until they all are dead!

Hey John! Remember me?

[John Mayer:]
Sure, Taylor, we dated before I met Katy

[Taylor Swift:]
Since our breakup made me scream
I'll return the favor
Go to hell, John Mayer!
That's right, scream

[John Mayer:]
Aaaaah! Aaaaah!

[Taylor Swift:]
Rest in peace
Ha ha ha!

I invited Joe Jonas to my tent
Yeah, I used to date him
Back when he still had hits

[Joe Jonas:]
It's not fair my career's gone to shit
God, I hate my brother

[Taylor Swift:]
Well he's the one with talent!

[Joe Jonas:]
Why would you say something so cruel?
No, please stop!
What the hell did I do?

[Taylor Swift:]
You broke up with me over the phone
And left me all alone

Now I am on a plane
Soon I will be killin'
One more ex - Jake Gyllenhaal

[Jake Gyllenhaal:]
What are you doing, Tay?

[Taylor Swift:]
I'm hitting this button
Now I'm gonna jump
It's my wildest dream

[Jake Gyllenhaal:]
No! No! No!

[Taylor Swift:]
That was three
Two to go

[Harry Styles:]
Taylor?

[Taylor Swift:]
Hello, Harry
I've come to say bye-bye
Because you're about to die

[Harry Styles:]
What?
I'm just going to space!

[Taylor Swift:]
There's been a change of plans
Cause I'm killing exes in
My wildest dreams
Ha! Ha! Ha!

[Calvin Harris:]
What are you doing, Taylor, love?

[Taylor Swift:]
I know eventually you will dump me

[Calvin Harris:]
What? No! Ow!

[Taylor Swift:]
So I might as well
Kill you now