[Verse]
You've got a headache
And I've got some strange disease
Don't worry about it
This pill will set your mind at ease
It's called Progenitorivox
It's made by SquabbMerlCo
It's a life-enhancing miracle
But there are some things you should know
[Chorus]
It may cause
Agitation
Palpitations
Excessive salivation
Constipation
Male lactation
Rust-colored urination
Hallucinations
Bad vibrations
Mild electric shock sensations
But it's worth it
For the drugs I need
[Verse]
My disease may not be fatal
But I can ease my fears
By taking two twelve dollar pills
Each day for fifty years
They've spent billions to convince me
So now I realize
Progenitorivox
Beats diet and exercise!
I've got insurance
At least for now, I do
And if I buy generic
It would cut my cost in two
But I want Progenitorivox!
'cause I saw it on TV
Those families look so functional
That paisley pill's for me
[Chorus]
But it may cause
Depravation
Humiliation
Debtor's prison and deportation
Dark depictions
Dire predictions
Life as seen in Dickens fiction
Empty pocket
Court dockets
May cause eyes to pop from sockets
But it's worth it
For the drugs I need
But it's worth it...
In Canada, they get this for a song!
But it's worth it
For the drugs I need
[Outro]
The opinions expressed in this song are not necessarily those of SquabbMerlCo or its subsidiaries
Progenitorivox is not available, anywhere
Offer void in Wisconsin
Any resemblance to actual drugs, living or dead, is purely coincidental
Any unauthorized use of your judgment in the application of Progenitorivox is strictly prohibited
Progenitorivox may not be reproduced without the expressed written consent of Major League Baseball
Progenitorivox may cause drowsiness or restlessness in lab animals. Do not resume sexual activity while operating heavy machinery without consulting your physician
For erections lasting longer than four hours, insert your own joke here
If you experience psychotic episodes, you're crazy. If death occurs, discontinue use of Progenitorivox immediately
If symptoms persist, consult your physician
All sales final
Batteries not included