You said, "I will build you a bed of cactus
Where you can sleep
When the night is too sharp"

I said, "I will cover you with wax
And light your hair like a wick
When the night is too cold"

You don't think of me as often as I'd like you to
But when you do
It's of me looking for you on the ship

The plane I am waiting on
Has your face printed on the wings
When it crashes, I will eat the paint off

I'm gonna spank your ass so hard
You will hate the wig master
But I'll put two pillows on your dining room chair

You're like a parrot
Something that belongs to me
And not to you

Loneliness isn't being alone
It's when someone loves you
And you don't have it in you to love them back

Look at my hair
It's a dirty little mop crying
For you to send it away

All a guy needs
Is a chance to pull off my clothes
And snicker, "Try harder"

If you mail me a toy
I will use it
But that's the most I have to offer

"Do you want to see my panties?"
Is the last thing
I will ever say to you

"I want to finger every teenager I see,"
Is the last thing
You say to me

Don't make fun of my night out