Lyrics to Hell Toupèe

I took my band way across the land

But too much ass can destroy a man

See, I emptied all my glands

Inside the emptiness of all my fans



I spent all of my testosterone

Giving all my favorite fans a bone

It's hard on my hair, living like a dog

And tonight the devil is riding a hog



Night is falling, the curtain's calling

My bio clock is ticking so fast



And it's gonna be, Hell Toupee, Hell Toupee

Can't stand losing my hair this way

Hell Toupee, Hell Toupee, not now, no way



Other day, I was doing the bump

Then I found myself taking a dump

It gave me time to contemplate

The state of my hair and its terrible fate



Spent my life fighting off the pigs

Drinking beer and a smoking cigs

Stealing riffs and a blowing gigs

But now I'm stuck googling for wigs



Skin is glowing, dome is showing

My bio clock is ticking so fast



And it's gonna be, Hell Toupee, Hell Toupee

Can't stand losing my hair this way

Hell Toupee, Hell Toupee, not now, no way



Hell Toupee, day by day

Always thought that my hair would stay great

Hell Toupee, Hell Toupee but it's way too late



Night is falling, curtains are rolling

My bio clock is ticking away



And it's gonna be, Hell Toupee, Hell Toupee

Can't stand losing my hair this way

Hell Toupee, Hell Toupee, no, not now, no way



Hell Toupee, razor blade

It's genocide of my hair today, Hell Toupee

Hell Toupee, Hell Toupee

Don't fade away, not now, no way