[Gaga: Intro]
I recorded this song while getting a mas-sage
I spent the past several months hiding in my ga-garage
Since I've been gone others have tried to claim the Gaga-crown
When Miley tries to be me, she looks like a slutty clown!

[Gaga]
Now lets try on some bras, with claws, and balls
I'm digging through my closet, tryna find an outfit, 'cause I can't decide what to wear for this video
Gaga La Cage
Aux Folles
Montage!

[Gaga, Background Dancer 1, 2, & Doug]
Gaga: "What if I dressed up like a bug,"
Background Dancer 1: "That's not your best look."
Gaga: "-while standing naked behind Doug!"
Doug: "I have to go to work."
Gaga: "There's nothin' coverin' my butt!"
Background Dancer 2: "That's not a new thing."
Gaga: "Maybe I should call up Tim Gunn..."

[Gaga (spelling), & Tim Gunn]
Tim Gunn: "What are you doing?!"
Gaga: "D-E-S-P-E-R-A-T-E"
Tim Gunn: "Is this a spelling bee? That skirt's not making it work, don't twerk."
Gaga: "R-S-T-L-N-E-"
Tim Gunn: "Quit playing Scrabble please. You'll get no more help from Tim Gunn, I'm done."

[Gaga & Background Dancers]
Gaga: "Some times my lyrics are un-in-tel-li-gi-ble,"
Background Dancers: "what?!"
Gaga: "-because I put em-pha-sis on wrong syllable(s)."
Background Dancers: "Ohhhhhh!"

[Gaga & Background dancers 3 & 4]
Gaga: "I like to read Dean Koontz
And Dean Koontz likes to read to me."
Background Dancer 3: "You shouldn't be bragging"
Background Dancer 4: "He's not that good."
I was once full of shit now, I think shit is full of me!

[Gaga]
Check out my pixel bra, bra, bra, bra, bra
Hotter than menopause-pause
Give me gaga-plause-plause--plause

[Gaga]
Hey everybody stop dancing and cheer for me
'cause I'm ya boss, ba-boss, ba-boss
DO IT!

[Background Dancers 5-9]
Background Dancer 5: "This song is better than Roar!"
Background Dancers 6 & 7: "That song is SO dumb!"
Background Dancer 8: "Katy Perry freakin' sucks!"
Background Dancer 9: "She had work done."

[Gaga]
Here comes a spoiler alert!
I am Ga-God
Watch the Church get all butt-hurt
And I'm Gaga-Claus!

[Gaga (Spelling)]
P-E-R-E-Z I-F U-R
R-E-A-D-I-N-G T-H-,I-S
I H-A-T-E Y-O,-U-R
A-S-S F,-A-C-E

[Gaga: Outro]
Triple word score, I won

*clapping*