Dear President Nixon,
I am writing you this here letter as a result of waking up this morning, hungover and left, by my wife, who said, dear ex, as in husband, I'm at my momma's, come and get me if you dare. Now Mr. President, I considers myself a victim of the Vietnam war. When I entered the living room this morning at about 4 am, that is, the living room we call the demilitarized zone. my wife was standing there, with rollers in her hair and a rolling pin in her hand. I went into a preventive reaction strike. Striking her before she could strike me. I then checked her in to the latrine hotel, and locked the door. When I woke up this morning though, she was gone. Now Mr. President, I ask this favor, don't publicize your next war, because when we employ your strategy, we also employs your artificialness
Yours truly,
George Washington Brown, esq.