Lyrics to The Gnu Song

Flanders: A year ago, last Thursday, I was strolling in

the zoo,

When I met a man who thought he knew the lot.

He was laying down the law about the habits of baboons,

And the number of quills a porcupine has got.



So I asked him, "What's that creature there?". He

answered, "Oh, it's a h-elk".

I might have gone on thinking that was true.

If the animal in question hadn't put that chap to

shame,

And remarked, "I h-ain't a h-elk. I'm a g-nu".



"I'm a g-nu,

I'm a g-nu,

The g-nicest work of g-nature in the zoo.

I'm a g-nu,

How do you do?

You really ought to k-now w-ho's w-ho."



"I'm a g-nu, spelt G-N-U.

I'm g-not a camel or a kangaroo.

So let me introduce,

I'm g-neither man or moose,

Oh, g-know, g-know, g-know,

I'm a g-nu!"



I had taken furnished lodgings down at Rustington-On-

Sea,

Whence I travelled on to Ashton-Under-Lime it was

actually.

And the second night I stayed there I was wakened from

a dream,

Which I'll tell you all about... some other time.



Among the hunting trophies on the wall above my bed,

Stuffed and mounted, was a face I thought I knew.

A bison? No, it's not a bison. An ocapi? It's unlikely,

really.

Could it be a hartebeest?

When I seemed to hear a voice: "I'm a... g-nu..."



"I'm a g-nu,

A g-nother g-nu!

I wish I could g-nash my teeth at you.

I'm a g-nu,

How do you do?

You really ought to k-now w-ho's w-ho."



"I'm a g-nu, spelt G-N-U,

Call me 'bison' or 'ocapi' and I'll sue.

G-nor am I in the least,

Like that dreadful hartebeest,

Oh, g-no, g-no, g-no...

G-know, g-know, g-know, I'm a g-nu...

G-know, g-know, g-know, I'm a g-nu!



(Long applause)



Flanders: That's very g-nice of you.