Sometimes I don't believe you let me walk around

Above ground, with the things I've seen

You talk about learning to love with your pants on

But every time you come around you dance on

The table, and let your feelings fall to the earth

That's what that sound was, it's somebody's birthday



And they signed me up for the witness protection

program

And I became a blind guy in a titty bar

And it was so successful that they

Ran my ass for president and

Got my ass elected and at

My inauguration, I stood there naked

With a hand on their bible and I swore to uphold

My duties and my conscience to the

Best of my ability as a blind guy in a titty bar

Tin cup and white cane, the

Strippers as my cabinet

Oh, I am a witness



And I heard that Kennedy got killed

'cause he was about to come clean about the aliens

I heard that the Indians got killed

'cause they were about to introduce drive-through fast

food

I head that all of the Jews got killed

so that the museums would have something for the future

I head that the Hutus killed all the Tutsis

'cause otherwise they'd never see Jesus and his mother

Oh, I am a witness



They offered me tickets to go to the moon

One pair, one way, don't come back soon

They offered me to pack up my belongings for free

Before too long they'd get them to me

Care of my guide on the dark side of the moon

Who'd teach me the language and feed me with a spoon

They all came to say goodbye, one after the other

My homicidal sister and my suicide brother

The little pink children who advertise the weather

They dug up my aunt and they went down on my mother

Freed my balloon with strings of leather

Blew me away like you blow away a feather

Oh, I am a witness



So here I sit on the balcony

Freeway far as the eye can see

I got my head packed underneath my hood

I got the darkest dark sunglasses that I could

Covered up my eyes and I covered up my ears

The ballgame's on and I got a cold beer

I got photographs but don't worry, isn't this

A beautiful night just go about your business

Oh, I am a witness