I moved to Hollywood recently from Boston, where I grew up, and I heard about these wild Hollywood party nights that they had
I didn't think they were true, until I moved to Hollywood and started having them
This a song about a crazy night I had a couple of months ago. It's called "What Did I Do Last Night?"

[Song starts]
Yeah
(Yeah, yeah)
What the fuck did I do last night?

I cried myself to sleep!
[Song ends]

It was a good one

I like the word poop! Sorry!
Yeah, we're getting edgy
I like the word poop, because when you say the word 'poop,' your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when it poops!
Poooop!
Not my best. Probably my worst

When did my mom first describe gay sex to me?
Good question, I was 8 years old...
I have a joke for that

I was 8 years old
She sat me down at the dinner table, she was very mature about it
She said, "You know your father and I love each other."
I said, "Of course. You and dad love each other more than anyone in the world could possibly love each other."
She said, "Well two men can love each other in the exact same way your father and I love each other."

She said, "What happens when two men love each other like that?
What they do is they take off their clothes...
They get in the bed...
And they SHIT ON THE BIBLE!"

So I don't really talk to her anymore