[Verse 1: Asylum Street Spankers]
Speed is a drag it's a big big drag
Set your mind on fire make your organs sag
Coke is a joke rather take a toke
Than be broken and a choking with your brain cells smoking
Tripping on acid makes you flaccid
DMT too rich for me
Heroin; aquarium; a nice pine box to bury in
Marijuana makes me wanna eat candy and eat Madonna
With her hair bleached by peroxide
Huffing on some Nitrous Oxide

[Chorus: Asylum Street Spankers]
Well I've tried them all and I might sound queer
But my favorite drug is a nice cold beer

Beer beer beer beer, beer beer beer beer, beer beer beer beer, we love beer

[Verse 2: Asylum Street Spankers]
I get thrills from pills but mostly chills from Robitussin and a bottle of Nyquil
Ecstasy's okay with me
On airplane glue you sneeze ahchew
Mohawk girl with a needle in her neck
Nervous wreck, can I call collect?
Nicotine is so obscene
And caffeine only makes me mean
Huffing spray paint ain't so quaint
It gives you headaches and makes you faint
Hash is a gas like a blast from the past
But trying to hunt it down is a pain in the ass

[Chorus: Asylum Street Spankers]
Well I tried them all and I might sound queer
But my favorite drug is a nice cold beer

Beer beer beer beer, beer beer beer beer, beer beer beer beer, we love beer

[Verse 1: Asylum Street Spankers]
Speed is a drag it's a big big drag
Set your mind on fire make your organs sag
Coke is a joke rather take a toke
Than be broken and a choking with your brain cells smoking
Tripping on acid makes you flaccid
DMT too rich for me
Heroin; aquarium; a nice pine box to bury in
Marijuana makes me wanna eat candy and screw Madonna
With her hair bleached by peroxide
Huffing on some Nitrous Oxide

[Chorus: Asylum Street Spankers]
Well I've tried them all and I (might sound queer)
But my favorite drug is a (nice cold beer)

Beer beer beer beer, beer beer beer beer, beer beer beer beer, we love beer

[Verse 2: Asylum Street Spankers]
I get thrills from pills but mostly chills from Robitussin and a bottle of Nyquil
Ecstasy's okay with me
On airplane glue you sneeze ahchew
Mohawk girl with a needle in her neck
Nervous wreck, can I call collect?
Nicotine is so obscene
And caffeine only makes me mean
Huffing spray paint ain't so quaint
It gives you headaches and makes you faint
Hash is a gas like a blast from the past
But trying to hunt it down is a pain in the ass

[Chorus: Asylum Street Spankers]
Well I tried them all and I (might sound queer)
But my favorite drug is a (nice cold beer)

Beer beer beer beer, beer beer beer beer, beer beer beer beer, we love beer

[Reprise: Asylum Street Spankers]
Beer beer beer beer, beer beer beer beer, beer beer beer beer, we love beer
Beer beer beer beer, beer beer beer beer, beer beer beer beer, we love beer